As counsellors, or experts
dealing with young children, we have all heard, more often than not, about the
various temper tantrum complains that parents have about their children. “My
child throws things around if he doesn’t get what he wants”; “My daughter cries
loudly and bangs her head on the wall to get what is denied to her”; “My son
refuses to eat till promised that he will get chocolates later on”; these are
all common laments of parents with children who throw temper tantrums.
So which behaviour can be rightly
classified as a temper tantrum? A tantrum or temper tantrum is an emotional
outbreak, usually associated with children or sometimes adults (often under
emotional distress), typically characterised by stubbornness, crying,
screaming, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification
and in some cases, hitting. Some people with neurological conditions such as
autism or intellectual disability are more prone to tantrums than others.
A tantrum may not always be an
attempt to seek the gratification of a need. It could also be an inappropriate
way of expressing oneself which the child has learned by imitation, or because
it led to successfully attracting attention of the parent in the past and for
other similar reasons. During a temper tantrum, children often cry, yell, and
swing their arms and legs. Temper tantrums usually last 30 seconds to 2 minutes
and are most intense at the start. Sometimes temper tantrums last longer and
are more severe. The child may hit, bite, and pinch. These violent tantrums, in
which children harm themselves or others, may be sign of a more serious
problem. Temper tantrums are most common in children between ages 1 to 4, but
anyone can have a tantrum- even adults.
Why Children throw tantrums?
Research shows that children’s outbursts are as normal as a biological response
to anger and frustration as yawn is to fatigue. Simply put, throwing tantrums
is part and parcel of growing up. A tantrum is a normal response when something
blocks a young child from gaining independence or learning a skill. The child
may not yet have the skills to express anger and frustration in other ways. For
example, a temper tantrum may occur when a child becomes frustrated when it’s
time to go to bed but he /she want to stay up.
Some children are more likely to
throw temper tantrums than other children. Factors that predispose a child to
throwing tantrums are:
- Level of stress
- Level of tiredness
- Child's Age
- Presence of any physical, emotional or mental
problem
- - Parents’ behaviour: a child is more likely to
have temper tantrums if parents react too strongly to poor behaviour or give in
to the child’s demands.
Quick tips on managing a temper
tantrum in very young children:
- - Reduce your child’s stress as tired & hungry
children are more likely to throw tantrums.
- - Be aware of how your child is feeling. If you
can see a tantrum brewing, step in and try distracting your child with another
activity.
- - When a tantrum occurs, stay calm or at least
pretend to. Speak calmly and act deliberately and slowly.
- - Wait out the tantrum as once a tantrum is in
full swing the child will be in no mood to listen. - - - - - Further, any reaction on
your part at this time will teach your child that tantrums attract your
attention and thus reinforce his / her behaviour.
- - Reward your child enthusiastically when they
exhibit good behaviour.
- - Keep a diary for your child’s tantrums for 7 to
10 days. Identify the situations in which tantrums are more likely, for e.g.,
at the mall; identify the trigger for your child’s tantrums, for e.g., refusing
to buy him / her chocolate; and identify the consequences of the tantrum. Once
you have identified the pattern of tantrums, you can establish a reward system
to encourage your child for staying calm.
Remember, the key here is to stay
calm in your interactions with your child. Most children outgrow temper
tantrums with age and the use of basic tantrum management techniques. If your
child does not outgrow the habit of throwing tantrums, seek professional help
and help your child find healthier ways to deal with issues at hand.
(Article First published in Evescape, March-April, 2015.)
No comments:
Post a Comment